Monday, December 19, 2011


Tomorrow night I am going out with a few of the girls to a new place in town. It is going to be so nice. This past weekend was packed with one function/party/dinner after another. All of it in boy mode... sigh... I am done with guy drab, its time for some girl fab! I have a few outfits in mind for tomorrow. The one I think will work best is a red twin set with a drape neckline paired with gray knit pants. Still working on what shoes to wear. I will include a photo with my next posting. Picking out what to wear can be almost as much fun as the event itself. I need this night out so bad!

As a guy I feel so weighted down, restricted. Being my feminine self is so liberating it is almost like a drug. The euphoria that expressing my female side brings over me is unbelievable. I am in no way saying that as a female I have no cares or responsibility. Or that women all must lead magical care free lives because dressing up like one feels so good. Not at all. We all work hard and have our own struggles and triumphs regardless of gender. What I can tell you is that the time I get to spend as Candi is truly amazing. So much so that I don't want it to stop and when it does I cant wait to be my feminine self again. I truly feel more like a woman than a man.

I went a little crazy buying myself gifts... 9 tops, 2 pair of pants, one pair of shoes and a new wig! Merry Christmas to me girlfriend! My girlfriend Michelle is on a mission to supply me with cool purses. She just gave me two new ones! That is on top of the two she has already given me. She tells me she just wants to build my purse collection/wardrobe. You got to love friends like her! Later this week I will be making a trip to the M.A.C. store near me to talk to then about makeup ideas and what could work best as a beard cover. I would also like to get to ULTA this week for some more Bare Essentials makeup.

I love to shop and have no problems walking into any store and picking out what I want. I also do a fair amount of shopping on line too. So I am bewildered why any gurl would shop at a "transgender boutique". I always found the prices to be out of line and the selection of clothing limited and geared either to a fantasy night out clubbing or more sexual/fetishistic in nature. Now this is fine if that what you want and what you are into. I will tell you this is not how women in the real world dress (at least most of them anyway). Two of my girlfriends had a boyfriends who crossdressed. When they dressed up both friends told me the same thing. The guys looked like street walkers. And not good ones either from the descriptions! I Believe what happens is that these gurls get locked into the sexuality of crossdressing driven by the images that the porn industry feeds them. Stories and photos of men dressed as sissy maids or forced into sexual acts by a dominant mistress and so on. That coupled with the pressure of being closeted and not feeling like one could ever be out in the real world all adds up to a gurl dressed like a hooker. For a lot of us crossdressing is a vehicle to express part of who we are. Crossdressing for gurls like me is not sexually driven it is a projection of who we are. Because we identify part of ourselves as female, we want to dress as women do.

I now consider myself to be transgendered. Not just a crossdresser or transvestite. I avoided using the term transgendered  because I felt it should apply to those who seek SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery) also known as a sex change operation. But now I see it really has many definitions and is applicable to my situation. I am a woman. A woman who loves her femininity. A woman who goes out. a woman who has a life in the real world with real friends. I am lucky and blessed. Thankful that I have found the strength to express who I really am. I have even changed the header on this blog to reflect my "transgendered status"

After New Years I will be spending more time as Candi. Working to fulfill my goal of maximizing my girl time and living as a woman the best way I can.

Thank you and Happy Holidays!


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