Sunday, February 22, 2015
Hello, it is probably best that I reintroduce myself. My name is Candice Dresser. I am a 51 year olfd male to female transgendered woman. I have been out of the closet since late 2009 - early 2010 when I started outing myself to select friends. I also started this blog back then but actually deleted my first posts and started over in 2011. This was in a effort to help other girls and tell my story better then what I has published before. Almost immediately the number of people who knew about Candice increased exponentially. Now between my boy and girl Facebook profiles there are almost 300 mutual friends and another 40 or 50 who only know me as Candice locally. Blogging was a wonderful outlet and was very therapeutic. But like most endeavors, keeping up the pace of posting on a regular basis became taxing (61 posts between 2011 and 2013) and I allowed this blog to sit idle for too long.
So my last post was back in 2013. Almost exactly two years. I guess it has been a while. I tried a number of time to come back to writing, to this blog. I just could not find my voice again. I was forcing myself. Thinking if I "changed direction" or focused in a single point like fashion or makeup for transgenders, that my creative energy would return. Of course it did not. So here I am today, more comfortable in my transgendered skin, heck I look a lot better too. Beyond that I my situation has not changed. I still balance between the genders. Working as a man and living most of my life outside of my work as a woman. As for my psychical transition, that too has stalled. While living with this balancing act is far from ideal, I have become very adapt at it. For me being happy is a construct that is at best elusive. That being said, I am not depressed or even sad. I am good and have a good life. I have a wonderful group of friends who support me and have accepted me ass a woman or at the very least accepted this part of me. I will never take that for granted.
Back to the topic at hand; This blog. I started this post at 2:20 am after binge watching the complete first season (all 10 episodes) of Bosh on Amazon Prime. When I should have turned out the lights and gone to bed I opened this blog back up and here I am, with you. And it feels good.
This is much the way my blog started originally. Kind of a rambling expression of what I was going through as I exposed my female side to the world outside my closet door. I am also motivated by my new Chromebook laptop. I can be a bit of a geek, and I love this machine. It is clean, simple and direct to the point. A very Scandinavian like approach to a OS. My old laptop had just turned 11 years old and has begone to accept Satan as it's Lord. it has become possessed and stared to some very odd things. According to Moore's Law my old machine was about 6 generations behind so I am not surprised that it has Alzheimer's.
I consider the first 61 posts to represent the honeymoon phase of my coming out. I was all wild eyed and full of myself. Now I am a little less wild eyed but still pretty full of myself, it is just temped with more humility and understanding about who I am and the reality of the world I have created.
Allowing this blog to be what it was in the beginning; That rambling free form expression of who I am and what I am going through. Trying to focus on a singe topic will strangle my motivation and this blog will fail.
My need to make changes to my life has hit a tipping point. Oh this is where the free form/rambling part of the blog starts. Getting older I have come to grips with some health issues that my fading youth no longer allows me to ignore. So I have started small but draconian changes in my lifestyle. I track my food and workouts with apps on my phone and tablets. Slowly changing my diet and behaviors. Baby steps to a ultimate goal of real health and fitness. High blood pressure, kidney stones, gout (yes leave it to me to get a disease from the 14th century) all have had a near crippling effect on my ability and willing to be healthy. I am just putting this out here as a measure of accountability. as I post more I will include little updates about and progress or setbacks I have along this path. I have set a few small goals in regard to athletic events I want to complete in coming year and that will help me stay on point. But if I must be honest, I just want to look really hot in my yoga pants... Yoga pants, for when you are too lazy for real pants. ;-)
There are a number of other changes i need to make for other reasons that i will cover in the future. for now my health is what matters. Without it nothing else can matter.
I will also cover the normal stuff. My obsession with makeup and being a clothes whore (shoes too). But are they really problems? My complete disgust with the Amazon show Transparent (I f-ing hate it). How I see LGBT issues. Just a warning you may be surprised at some of my positions on the subject. I will however be explaining those opinions and I am always ready to listen others opinions. I am also willing to change my position on any subject given a compelling and logical argument. Yup I am one of those critical thinking trannies.
I will cover the offers I have received to do tranny porn. How I see the trans community. Men who are obsessed with girls like me .My experiences out and about living as a trans woman and a whole lot of other stuff. Well I hope you all enjoyed this reintroduction to my blog and I hope you all stay with me as I tell my story.