Hording... I am two boxes a stack of news papers and one cat away from being on a reality show. Okay its not really that bad but it is close and it is mostly due to my inability to thin out my wardrobe and shoe collection... Actually F-that I am keeping the shoes. I remember the good old days as closeted trans when out of denial and panic I would purge almost my entire wardrobe. Actually that only happened twice and I was in my early twenties and once was because I had enlisted in the military and had to. So now I am facing the daunting task of going through my clothes and taking back my place and gaining some space and sanity.
This project would take me the better part of a week under ideal laboratory conditions. Given my noted ability to be distracted and super human power power of procrastination, it will take a month. Well at least I am honest.
The biggest thing I have noticed is that at some point the clothing in my closet(s) stopped being 'girls' clothing and became simply my clothes. I am a girl after all. Mindset is a funny thing. I still have a penis and genetically I am male but I am not a man. I still function in a male role at work to pay the bills and keep up my supply of M.A.C. makeup but that is as far as it goes. The clothing at first was a symbolic of the woman I spent a lifetime hiding from the world. I purchased clothing without rhyme or reason and with little sense of my own style. Looking back I squandered a lot of money and time on stuff that was simply not me.
Jumping ahead to the present day, I have found my style. Sure it is still evolving and changing with current trends, but at it's core I have figure out what works for me. Now it is time to let go of the past. Skirts that say "the world is my gynecologist', tops the scream 'what were you thinking' and dresses that make me look like a lumpy sausage. I may even get rid of some shoes... Nope that is crazy talk, keeping the shoes.
So why is this so hard? I have clothes that I have not even looked at in years. I do not even remember when or where I got most of them. Logically I know they have to go. Yet my emotional attachment is binding my hands. As I noted at the start of this post, the clothing is a representation of what I have gone through to get where I am now. Having said that I must (as difficult as it will be) let go of these things. My past is just that, the past. I will never forget where I came from because it is the place that guides me to my future. It has been the the struggles and triumphs not the cute sweater set I picked up 12 years ago that makes we the woman I am today. Okay the sweater set helped a little, I looked really good in it. ;-)
The power clothing has is amazing, Not just this emotional attachment I have been talking about, but much more. Clothes send a message about who you are. That is why finding your style is so wonderful. And now it is time for me to let go of the material past and make room for what works.
Until next time,