Wednesday, October 24, 2012

International Tranny Day


Hello kids! Well its that time of year again... Excitement is in the air as we fast approach the greatest transgendered Holiday of them all; Yes that's right its Halloween! Well okay I guess it would be the only thing close to a transgendered holiday if there was such a thing. Back in the dark time when I was closeted Halloween afforded me the one chance each year to express my true self to the real world beyond the closet door. All under the guise of being in costume. This is so true for many girls like myself. Now however I have a new dilemma. Because I have come out and live such a large part of my life openly as my female self, I no longer have the need to "dress up as a girl" and pass it off as a costume. In a way I will miss the excitement of being out in "drag" on that special day so dear to many a transgendered soul. Fending off comments like "you seem a little to comfortable dressed like that" or "who did your makeup?" Being dressed to mach how I feel and who I am out in the real world no longer requires a specific holiday. Dressing to express my female side is the rule now not the exception. So it is off to the Halloween store for this girl. Maybe one of those costumes for women like a naughty nurse or naughty pirate or naughty school girl or naughty anything for that matter! I am not sure when Halloween became such a slut fest but it is kind of fun! So when you are at a Halloween party and you see a guy you know in drag... He may be my people! Please be kind and supportive. For so many girls this is the only time they have a chance to venture out.


Some more fun... Pintrest is a evil mistress. Really it is! I am completely addicted to it. Having a app for it on my phone does not help in the least. I want to have the baby of the person who created it! I love pinning outfits, hair styles, shoes, and many more even  pinning  about other transgendered girls. I know this may seem a bit shallow but I have found that I am a girl who loves fashion and likes to be a lady. Pintrest is simply a tool that I can use to help shape my individual sense of style. So girls if you are not on Pintrest I recommend taking a look around. You can find everything from DIY projects for the home to amazing recipes and even fitness tips. So it is much more than cute clothes and hot shoes. Even though I do likes me a cute outfit and some CFM heels! Wink, Wink... Pintrest rocks kids.


I must tell you all that is is surreal watching myself and my world change right in front of me. Even my sister is a huge supporter of my journey and my friends are amazing. I am truly having the time of my life. A few posts ago I told you all about the discovery of 5 half brothers and sisters I had no idea even existed. I am not going to try and explain the family structure and how this all happened. It would take a spreadsheet and a fancy Power Point presentation. But I am headed out to see them over Thanksgiving. This should be interesting. I was even joking with a friend that with all the skeletons in my families closet coming to light I have no idea why I still cling to this apprehension or rather aversion  I have to telling my parents about myself. That is why I am talking to a professional after all!


About a week ago I was having dinner with my girlfriend Kelly. During the conversation I told her that when I look a women I am almost always torn between desire and envy. Desire because I am attracted to women and envy because I have wanted to be the woman inside for so long. Kelly then said to me "envy wins most of the time doesn't it"... Yes it does! My inner gal has always struggled to express herself. When I look at women I see grace, elegance, style, strength. I see smooth lines, a warmth, a gentleness. I know men men can have the same qualities, but honestly it is not the same. When I see men and when I am in guy mode all I see and feel is abrasiveness and static. I know I am biased because of my inner gender identity, but that is what I truly experience. It is not all about being dressed or how they dress. Its about appreciating a woman's energy and spirit. A energy I crave to grow in myself.



I was chatting with a good friend and she said being a woman is not all about happy hours and girls nights out. I agreed with her completely. I understand that I will never know fully what a woman goes through during her lifetime, emotionally, physically, or the challenges and joys a woman will experience. I am deeply saddened by knowing I will never truly be fully female. I can change my lifestyle, live as a woman, make surgical and cosmetic changes to my body, but I will never fully know what it is to be a woman from the perspective of someone that was born a woman. From the vantage point of someone who reads this blog or is a friend on Facebook it may seen that my idea of being a woman is about the clothing and the going out on the town... It is not When I post photos and "check in" places with my girlfriends on Facebook or post my adventures on this blog, its all about the celebration of being free to be who I am, who I want to be. Every dinner, every happy hour, every girls night out is a small victory and a big middle finger to the closet I will never go back into. I also believe the postings help other girls see that the would will not crash down on them out side of the closet door. There are risks with coming out but breathing fresh air and being true to yourself out strips  the risks in my book.

Well I think its time for some butt shots and for this girl to get some sleep. I have a uninspiring day in guy drab ahead of me tomorrow, Fun (not)!




Have a great day and Happy Tranny Day!
XXOO
Candi


This is not a butt shot...

2 comments:

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